girlhood, through my lens

Shared lipsticks just look better

When I was little, love was all about boys and kisses and secret dates in school or heated confessions.

But as I grow older, I have lived my fair share of another genre of love which the world frankly calls- girlhood. and trust me, it is not exactly all about shopping, or lip glosses or café meets. Now if anyone ever puts me on a pedestal and asks me where have I felt the most loved in my entire life, it’d be female friendships.

metaphors, i have lived through:

When I am not with my girls, there is a vague fragile feeling that fills my chest, but when in am with them, it’s a beautiful feeling but my heart fears the end. My heart aches the fulfillness from the adrenaline rush even before it has ended. Honestly, I fear the end.

It is like a rollercoaster high, you feel so full of emotions when you're high, but in the back of your mind, you know you’re about to fall. Free-fall? That is the question. 

Its like my fav song playing in my earphones. I don’t want it to end. I never want it to end. The bpm of my heart finds its way in the songs pulse. It becomes one.

Its like the guitarist that learns to keep strucking the chords even after calloused bruises, I choose them over and over in a synchronised rhythm, without flinching. It is comfort, it gives me solace after years of practice.


They’re like the bridge of my life- between the chorus and the end, so damn unfamiliar yet still the same.

5.55 pm, 10^th grade

I want to give a new name to our friendship. How about jai and veeru? Or maybe serena and blair? But I hate them. They’re too filmy

I’ wanna still give the infamous naina speech in front of the whole world at your wedding. At my aditi’s wedding.

8 am, 11^th grade

I wish I never grow older.

I wanna be 16 forever screaming, panting, crying to Kishore da’s pal pal dil ke paas.

12 am ,11^th grade

He loves me, he loves me not. A dozen flowers on the floor, one in my hand

Phone beeps*

Do you think he actually loves me? I mean he gave me a personalized pendant, besides he never fails to compliment my eyes???

Aashna, I swear to god, I beg you, date me, become a lesbo, that guy looks like a chila hua andaa;p

8 pm, 12^th grade, farewell day

I never-ever wanna forget today in my wildest dreams. It feels so bittersweet. I would absolutely give anything to leave this school air, but I love my girlfriends. How can i?

6 pm, an auto ride

If we do have seven lives, I will go through every single one of them if I have my girls by my side.

I cry

I hope the auto wale bhaiya doesn’t notice that I cry

Blood runs warmer

Cheeks heat up

My heart could possibly explode from this much bittersweetness

today
Maybe soulmates weren’t even romantic to ever begin with, 
maybe my red strings were tied to the girls who would know me, support me
 before i even become myself
if that is the truth then I have already found not one, but countless better halves of mine
they are none other than the women who have showed me what real love looks like
how it shows up everyday- untimely, unreasonable, unspoken
but somehow always mine

if I ever find a man someday, I want him to respect the friendships that made me
because otherwise I would just be another loner in this draining city
I want him to love me with certainity
Not a fleeting intensity

Just like mohammad rafi said,
Jo khatam ho kisi jagah, ye aisa silsila nahi
Abhi na jao chodh kar, ke dil abhi bhara nahi
and just like niall horan said,
if the whole world was watching id still dance with you, drive highways and byways to be there with you
over and over the only truth
everything comes back to you
you-uu-uuu